first one

So here it is, my first live journal entry. Well, lets see how long this lasts...Well lets look at the situation at hand. I'm a week away from finals, my fiance George is a jerk, yet my best friend, my ex before George, Jason, just told me that he never wanted to talk to me again, and my other ex Erik, which happens to be George's best friend for the past 6 years told me that he would want to be with me if George and I weren't together. Well shit people. This is just nothing but drama.
I love George, but he's a complete ass to me most of the time, and I don't know how to deal with that, and if I can.
Jason was the best guy that I ever dated, and we were going to hang out before I went up to Sterling, but he decided to not that he didn't want to, and that he didn't want to hang out with me, so I sent him an email asking if I could have 5 minutes of his time face to face so I could appologize. We'll see how that goes.
Now Erik...good old Erik. My sophmore year I dated him for about 2 weeks. I really cared about him, and wanted that relationship to last, but he didn't so he broke up with me after 2 weeks. Yeh, sounds retarded to get butt hurt over something that only lasted 2 weeks, but it really hurt because he was the one who knew everything about me. More than my best friend at the time.
Anyways...on with the story...we broke up on thanksgiving (I hate thanksgiving now) and I didn't want to really talk to him for a long time, till we finally started talking again in Febuary, and he came over to help with my homework...well we ended up doing more of our own formulas than the ones on the paper. And then we decided not to have anything come between us, and I started dating someone else, then ended up with George, and he started dating my best friend.
Well everything was dandy till him and Haley broke up, and George and I broke up because he tried to kill himself. Once again he was helping me with my homework, and we ended up kissing. BIG drama because George and I got back together. ...so we thought that everything was back to normal and Erik and I were only friends...but when I'd be in Sterling hanging out with them, I'd always be thinking of how I miss him, and how I wish I was with him instead of George...fucked up huh?
Last night we were talking and he said aong the lines of "It would be bad if I said what I was thinking" because we were talking about George being dumb, and treating me like crap, and Erik was trying to tell me how great George has it with me. THEN he said that if George and I weren't together, he'd want to be with me....yeh...I'm confused too...
So now I'm just kind of lost...I have a week till finals, and I was supposed to stop smoking, but that hasn't worked. I'm ready to go walk to the gas station and buy some. No one's here, so not like they'd know. I really want one...I really wish I could talk to Jason...I really miss Erik...DAMN IT....
Maybe I could just go crawl in a hole, and they would all move on.
TBC